🐘 In the bustling city of Austin, Texas, where parenting is an ever-evolving journey, the importance of positive praise in shaping a child's behavior cannot be overstated. As a dedicated child behavior specialist, I am passionate about sharing insights that resonate with moms and parents, offering practical strategies to cultivate intrinsic motivation in our children. In this comprehensive blog, we will explore the nuances between product and processed praise, introduce the SIMPLE framework for effective praises, and delve into the wisdom of Marinus Van Ijzendoorn. Join me on this journey as we uncover the keys to fostering positive behaviors that endure even when parents aren't around.

The Pitfalls of Product Praise:

Parents naturally want to celebrate their child's accomplishments, whether it's excelling in academics, sports, or other skills. However, research suggests that traditional "product praise," such as saying "You're so smart" or "You're the best," may unintentionally hinder intrinsic motivation, particularly when parents are not present. To build lasting motivation, it's crucial to reevaluate how and when we offer praise.

The Rise of Processed Praise:

Enter "processed praise" – a transformative approach that focuses on specific behaviors or processes rather than inherent traits. Recognizing actions like standing in line patiently, working hard, or maintaining a quiet body not only boosts intrinsic motivation in the moment but also encourages children to replicate these positive behaviors independently. By adopting processed praise, we empower our children to internalize positive actions, ensuring they continue to thrive even when our watchful eyes are not upon them. Additionally, praise is associated to an increase in grey matter in the brain and the development of more positive relationships later in life.

Implementing the SIMPLE Framework:

Let's break down the SIMPLE framework for effective praises, a tool designed to make your positive reinforcement more impactful:

1. Specific: Precision is key. Instead of generic praise, be specific about the behavior you are acknowledging. For instance, "Thank you for standing in line so patiently. That is so helpful for us."

2. Immediate: Timing matters. Praise the behavior right after it occurs to reinforce the connection between the action and positive feedback, fostering increased motivation.

3. Meaningful: Ensure your praise is genuine and meaningful. Steer clear of sarcasm, and let your child know precisely why their behavior is valued.

4. Process Oriented: Shift the focus from outcomes to behaviors. Emphasize effort, like "Working hard" instead of intelligence or skill-based praise.

5. Limited: Keep your praise targeted. Concentrate on the specific aspect you are currently working on with your child, avoiding overwhelming them with too much feedback.

6. Enthusiastic: Infuse enthusiasm into your praise. Instead of a simple "thank you," say, "Thank you for doing the dishes!" Positivity is contagious.

Wisdom from attachment researcher Marinus Van Ijzendoorn:

Van Ijzendoorn's expertise sheds light on positive reinforcement and the impact of praising specific behaviors. He advocates for acknowledging positive actions while strategically ignoring negative attention-seeking behaviors, fostering an environment conducive to growth and development.

The Emotional Piggy Bank:

Consider your child's emotional well-being as an "emotional piggy bank." Positive interactions serve as valuable deposits, contributing to a reservoir of positive feelings. These deposits include play, empathy, kindness, special time, validation, hugs, praise, apologies, listening, and words of affirmation. Conversely, withdrawals, such as questions, sarcasm, scolding, nagging, ignoring, shaming, and yelling, can deplete this emotional reserve. By making consistent positive deposits, we fortify our children emotionally, ensuring they have the resilience to face life's challenges.

⭐ In Austin, Texas, where parenting is a shared journey, let's be intentional about the way we praise our children. By incorporating processed praise, embracing the SIMPLE framework, and drawing from the wisdom of Marinus Van Ijzendoorn, we can create an environment that fosters intrinsic motivation and positive behavior. As we make emotional deposits into our children's piggy banks, we empower them to navigate life's demands with confidence, kindness, and resilience. Together, let's build strong foundations for our children's futures, ensuring they continue to shine brightly in the heart of Austin.